Tuesday, July 6, 2010

My poor neglected blog... an update with pics part 1

My mom has been on me about my poor pitiful neglected blog!!! Now we really know what she is doing instead of working.... hee hee :0)
Isabel is almost 10 months old, and she is crawling everywhere and saying a lot of different sounds when babbling. She is going to be my mischeivious one... already trying to bite down on electrical cords and getting into cabinets! We are so in awe of how determined she is to keep up with Julie and Logan. We are very busy and loving it.
It has been awhile, but I will try to catch you up quickly, with pics!!!!

My Isabel, look at that little angelic face~ She has daddy, sissy, and bubby totally wrapped!!!! okay yes, I admit, she has mommy wrapped too! How could we resist those adorable little cheeks?!

Logan fell asleep sitting up on the couch after pump it up one day, and then he just fell over and stayed asleep! Julie and I laughed for days about that one!

Sweet smiles :0)

Sisters :0) they have on matching bathing suits, but you can't really tell in this picture. Isabel's hat only lasted about 10 seconds, but it was cute while it lasted.

Isabel laughed every time Julie jumped in or went down the slide.

My handsome tea party host... a benefit of being around girls all day!

I love my sweet family!

My 3 Kids~ at Nanna's house for some fun.

More of Isabel, she is starting to chunk up here!

After a day of swimming, travis needs a nap!!! LOL

Just me

I have been going through so much with spiritual growth lately, and my hearing, and making some final decisions on how to handle some things, and I wanted to post this simply for journaling purposes.

I feel like there is so much to say about the last 3-4 months. Many of my close friends have asked, soooo how is your hearing doing lately? well.... I would rather not talk about it, but it is something i need to face, and often neglect. I used to be so open about it, and I just don't like to open that can of worms with people anymore. I think sometimes that people will judge me or think i might not be as good of a mom because of it sometimes, and being a mom is something that I really want to be the best at, and I don't want any extra scrutiny from people thinking that my hearing affects my ability to be a good mom. goodness, parenting is difficult enough as it is!!!! Dealing with my hearing loss is hard, and I struggle with it often. Even Travis doesn't always know what is going on in my head about it, and he often wants to know. On a much more positive note, I have had the glorious privaledge of hearing Julie and Logan's voices, and they are firmly imprinted in my brain. I am anxiously waiting to hear my sweet Isabel's voice the first time she says "I love you." When she babbles and coos, I think it is the most sweet, angelic sound I have ever heard. I am doing okay with my hearing loss, and though i do not feel like I have lost more, I feel like the ringing in my ears is louder, making the clarity of words sort of an issue. I can "hear" what people are saying, but occasionally I can't understand what word/words they may have said. It is complicated, and well, that is probably the best way to explain it.

Spiritually, i am learning, A LOT. God has been so patient with me and I am so grateful for this. I am learning that I need to listen and read and just be still right now in this phase of my spiritual journey. I used to have such a selfish form of spirituality. Let me explain. I would always think, what is God's purpose for MY life? What does MY future hold? What will God bless ME with? What are MY talents and gifts that I should be using. I used to love things that helped ME feel better about myself. I am learning that yes, God gave me talents and gifts, but they are for HIS glory. Really isn't my purpose as a Christian to live as Christ? for people to see Jesus in me, and to really not see "me" at all? My purpose is try to get as many people to heaven as I can, and to live that out not only by reaching out to people, but by living by example. So really.... it is about Jesus, and others, myself being last. That is hard in our society that says, put yourself first!!!
I credit having kids to realize this in a slow and difficult manner. having kids has been such a wonderul amazing sacrifice of myself. As a mom, I often put myself last- and gladly do so. But I do it out of love. They are so needy and I never get to really "choose" when my services are demanded. God reserves the right to expect the same thing of me. I shouldn't choose and pick when and if I will say yes to what God is calling me to do. I should just say yes and take every opportunity to serve.

I have been struggling with a situation in the last 6 months that has greatly impacted my faith. Some loved ones are hurting some members of my immediate family unintentionally, and it is heartbreaking to watch. It has been brought out in the open, and discussed, but not much has changed. It has been repetitious and exhausting emotionally and mentally. Sometimes I regret being such a passionate person with a temper. I have prayed and prayed about this and God has called me to forgive them. Forgiveness is something I have known about, and heard many sermmons on, but have never fully had to comprehend it or apply it to a situation in my own personal life. It was so humbling when God said to me, "You have no right to keep anger, rage, and biterness in your heart, your heart belongs to me and I am not those things. you are to forgive, and forget. How many times have I forgiven you?" The bible clearly states, we must forgive others as God forgives us. Even if that means having to forgive over and over and over. but forgetting? really? that is the hardest part for me. I have a great memory, and it is sometimes my worst characteristic... keeping a record of wrongs. Grrrr....
The situation still did not improve and after more prayer and reflection and reading, God said to me, "You think forgiveness is difficult, but now I am calling you to have mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgement."
So... together with forgiveness and mercy, I will let God's love prevail and not let Satan win with anger, rage, hurt and bitterness. As tempting as it may be to throw in the towel....I am working day by day to get better, and again, am thankful for HIS patience in this.
I also want to say how much I love that Paul compares his spiritual journey to a race at the end of 2 Timothy. Life is truly a marathon, isn't it?! How awesome! The runner in me loves the parallel that it presents.
I know this was a boring post, but I felt I needed to chronicle what has been going on with me spiritually, so tune in for more pictures of who you really want to see in the post below ;)

My poor neglected blog... an update with pics part 2

My very best most awesome friend had her 3rd sweet little angel! She is now the proud hot mamma of 3 beautiful boys. Garrett was born on May 24th, and he is absolutely precious!
Me holding sweet chubby cheeks Garrett

Bridget and Garrett

Family Photo :0)

Look at those sweet cheeks!

Julie and Logan had their preschool program and Julie graduated from preschool. ***Sniff*** I was worried about what I feel that night, and it was mostly sadness and pride and joy and sweetness all rolled together. I am amazed at my precious Julie. She blows me away with her deepness and her empathy for others. I felt so so sad about closing this sweet and fun chapter in her life, but I feel nervous and excited about her going off to kindergarten this fall. She is so much fun and I know she is going to LOVE kindergarten! I feel like preschool more than prepared her for this next stage of her life, thanks Sycamore View!!!!
My sweet Isabel and me waiting for it all to start :0)

Julie is the one on the far right!

Before graduation, she had to do her "program" where she got to dance! she loooooves to dance and was thrilled she got to wear purple!

Family photo of corse, it was crazy trying to get our mini circus to get a decent pic!!! oh well

Pappy and Isabel watching the program

Is this not totally hilarious!!!! Logan did so awesome as a mexican senior for his program, complete with moustache and all!!!! Ay caramba, what a muy handsome little senor!

Look what we got!!!! I was so excited about getting this play gym thing because now I can push the older two out the door while the baby naps and they can be as loud and rowdy as they want with out waking her up! they call the top part their tree house! Thanks to Grandpa for pitching in some money to help us get it!

These last 2 pictures were when happy times farm came to school.
Julie and Miss Stephanie

Julie and Isabel, her friend from school!